he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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