It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
