gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
