hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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