PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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