i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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