What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
