pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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