She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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