So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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