If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
