You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
