Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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