How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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