I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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