Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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