I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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