We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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