i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
