Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
