She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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