last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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