Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
