my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
