I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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