Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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