I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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