you didnt know i had herpes?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
