it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
