Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
