I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
