I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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