I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
