Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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