yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
