You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
