Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize