I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
