You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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