i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
