Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
