i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize