Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
