Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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