I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize