we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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