You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
