I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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