i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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