non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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