im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
