There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
