apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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