Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
