my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
