So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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