Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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