we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
