I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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