when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
