my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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