I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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