I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
