Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry about my life...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize