I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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