I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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