I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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