I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
