Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
