Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
