I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just cropdusted the office
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
